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The reluctance to talk comes from fear of rejection or that you will harm the other’s feelings. But your partner may want to talk as well, but fears that they will be rejected or hurt you in turn. Even in a good and loving relationship where trust is important, sex is often a sensitive subject to most people. While difficult, creating an open dialogue about sex produces results that both can be happy about, resulting in a better relationship overall. Here are a few tips to keep in mind about talking to your partner.

Try writing down what it is that you want, whether it is in a letter to your partner or a list. You don’t have to show it to them if you don’t want to, but writing it out and seeing it on paper may clear up what you’re thinking. It will force you to clear up any muddled thoughts. Ask yourself how your partner may interpret what you are trying to communicate – look at the points through their eyes. Broach the topic sensitively, and try not to simply communicate a list of complaints. Instead, phrase it as much as you can as suggestions you would like to try.

Decide when is the best moment for the talk, although keep in mind just before or after sex will probably not be the most desirable. Make sure you are alone, and that you have enough time to talk – don’t just throw this out there ten minutes before either of you have to go out the door. Give your partner time to respond, or time to process if needed.

While you may still be shy about having a full-on discussion with your partner quite yet, you can give them some help by making indication during sex that you like something that they are doing, be it arching your back or a groan. Another exercise is to guide their hand with yours over it to show them something that you like.

Compromise is another important element of sexual communication, particularly in frequency of sex and particular acts that each partner finds satisfying. Remember that each party wants the other to enjoy themselves, and wants to know what is pleasing.

Don’t expect instant results – sex is a process, as is good dialogue. But once dialogue is open, look forward to more frank discussions about what turns your partner on.

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Kim Marshall, a trained sex educator and author of The Great Sex Secret says, “What people have been dealing with through the ages for thousands of years is, if they go about sex in a straightforward fashion, the man will be satisfied, the woman will be titillated, perhaps excited, but not satisfied and that is just unfair.”

Kim was raised in the typical uptight family environment that rarely, if ever talked about sex. He grew up with all of the misconceptions many of us have about how sex really works, with no real information to help him.

He now shares what he has learned and researched through the years with those who would like to experience thriving, satisfying emotional and sexual relationships. His proactive techniques bring an understanding of sexual gratification for both partners, leading to passionate, long term relationships.

The most powerful method of dealing with the issue of satisfying your partner is communication. Unless a man and a woman are open to each other and ready to overcome the traditional one-sided sex, then the sexual relationship will peter out. A man has to spend the time listening to what will work for his partner and the woman must communicate what she needs or remain unsatisfied and frustrated.

Many women pretend to be enjoying sex rather than explaining to their partner what would please them. They are afraid of hurting his feelings, offending his manhood, or maybe even fearing he will leave. The woman feels she has to give her partner positive feedback about his performance, how amazing it was, and how wonderful he was in bed.

Couples who communicate openly and honestly with one another will break down the barrier that keeps them from saying what is working or what isn’t working. For those who don’t have a problem talking about sex, come right out and say what you want. It doesn’t have to be in bed; it can be on a drive, over dinner, or during some private time together.

Some people just can’t bring themselves to openly talk about sex, especially about what might physically gratify them. In this case, use a third party, a book or magazine article that would help both the man and woman see what the other needs. It is a good starting point and many times leads to open communication.

There is more to a healthy sexual relationship than the standard intercourse. Men and women need to reject the preconceived notion that sex is all about the straightforward act. Figure out a new way, a new approach for stimulation. Couples should be sensitive and caring to one another, touching and talking about what they are feeling. Once communication is open, passion will thrive, intimacy will grow, and a commitment to one another will emerge for a loving, long-lasting relationship.

Too often, relationships come to a turning point after two or three years where the passion dissipates. The excuses are many; it could be children, work, school, or stress. Sex becomes a thing of the past and couples are on the road to a sexually unhappy relationship, or even an affair with someone else.

This is when communication is especially important. They need to figure out a technique for bringing one another to a satisfying love-making encounter. It doesn’t have to be the same rush of passion they had when they were younger. It needs to be a time of mutual intimacy, closeness and pleasure.

Couples assume sex should be spontaneous or they need to be in the mood. This should not be a factor in your love-making. Set a time to be together, knowing that sex will happen. Taking the time to be intimate with your partner will stimulate you whether you thought you were in the mood or not. This closeness and respect for one another will give you a sexually active and happy relationship for years to come.

Find the technique that works best and settle into a new attitude and approach toward sex. There is no right or wrong way, just the way that brings mutual gratification, intimacy and love. Know that a healthy sexual relationship is there for you to enjoy. You’re never too old for the passion of physical or emotional love.